It is such a strange feeling to realize how much you you are loved. This week my niece told me that I am her role model. It's been hard to wrap my mind around this huge compliment. I am so good at seeing all the weaknesses and flaws I have, I wonder why she would see me as her role model. As I struggled with this amount of love, my daughter told me, "You know, she has always felt that way about you." I am awed and humbled that she would feel that way about me.
I spent Thursday morning with a cute boy with autism. Though we just met, he wrapped his hand in mine. I was New Guy and we made paths in the wood chips and talked about dragonflies. It wasn't until later I learned that this cute boy didn't like new people and rarely went over to strangers. What trust to put your hand in the hand of a stranger and let them into your special world.
There are two reasons my life gets unbalanced. The bright side of my motive is wanting to do anything for the people I love. The dark side is trying to be worthy of being loved. They look the same in my life, but they have very different effects. When I am coming from a place of love, I feel alive and send bright energy into the universe. When I come from the darkness, I resent the demands on my time and make people feel like they are burdens on me. Balance also comes from my motives, not just my actions. I will choose to do things for the people I love and stop doing things from a need to be loved. These two beautiful souls reminded me that I am worthy of love because of who I am, not what I do.