My Leap List

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Trust

     I haven't mastered trust yet.  I actually suck at it, so God keeps giving me new chances to practice
     This morning I spent four hours picking beans and weeds on a real life farm.  The people waiting with us at 8 A.M. were as nervous as I was.  Can I actually do this for four hours?  Will I do it right?  We shook hands and stood awkwardly waiting together.  The farmer briefly explained what he needed us to do and then set off on his other tasks.  He continued working in the fields, trusting us to do more good than harm.  As I moved to another crop, I left the backpack behind so I wouldn't miss the new instructions.  I trusted it would be safe where I left it, even though it held a cell phone, id, and money inside.  When I returned, it was right where I had left it.  Untouched.  When I left, the farmer asked me my name and jotted it on a piece of paper from his car.  I trust that he will send my name to the people that keep track of these things so I get credit for working today.  
     On the way home, I stopped the car in the middle of the road to let a mother duck and her ducklings cross the street.  She didn't even hesitate.  She trusted that I would stop and wait and the other cars further down at the light would not come up the hill until the ducklings were safe.  When they got to the other side, the littlest duckling fell on his back trying to climb the curb.  He tried to hop, but that didn't work.  Then he backed up, ran, and hopped.  He finally made it.  The whole time he tried, his mom waited patiently on the curb, trusting he would make it without her help.  He made it just as the cars came up the hill.  The mother duckling turned and led the ducklings off through the underbrush.
     Today someone I thought was my friend showed his true colors.  It hurt to be betrayed.  It hurt even more to find out that I was played.  Just when I think I'm mastering this trust thing, I find out I have a ways to go.  I am vain enough to care what people think of me.  I want to know that people like me just because I am worth liking, not just because of what I can do for them.  This can make me an easy target for people who want to take advantage of me.
     I'm learning balance.  A tough skin for protection that is thin enough to love and be loved.  Protecting my kids without keeping them from climbing their own walls.  Staying safe, but taking risks.  Trusting in the goodness of people without being a target for our baser instincts.
     A random feather landed on my walk today.  Thank you angels for being with me today for the hard lessons in trust and love.  

No comments:

Post a Comment