My Leap List

Monday, December 31, 2012

Living in the Now for 2013

    Last New Year's Eve I resolved to make 2012 the year of letting go.  Boy, did I have a lot to let go of.  I learned life is messy.  Nick was diagnosed with severe anxiety.  I knew he was struggling, but I never dreamed he was suicidal.  I'm still hopeful the ghosts are manifestations of the anxiety and depression and not early signs of Schizophrenia.  Mandy was diagnosed with bipolar, on top of the Fibromyalgia.  She dealt with a broken heart and learning to accept herself for who she is in a world that values everything she is not by cutting deep wounds in her legs.  This week she decided to graduate in May, even though it will take immense effort to earn the credits she has missed.  I let go of the job I love to try a new adventure.  Even marriage seemed too messy for awhile.   
     I also learned about love.  I let go of the ideal family I imagined and embraced them for who they are - perfect in their imperfections.  I felt the depth of love from my students and cried at my ability to break their hearts.  I was humbled at seeing myself through the eyes of the people who love me.  They showed me a version of myself I cannot not see yet on my own.   
     Outside my window, fireworks are blasting away with partiers zealous for a new start once the magic numbers turn over.  2013 will need a little magic.  It's already set to be a rough start with challenging economic and political times out there and personal challenges in here.  But, like every year, there is always magic waiting to make life worth while.
    This year I will live every day instead of waiting for the magic moment to start.  It may bring big moments like sky diving or hang gliding.  It may bring small moments when I am truly present and not just pretending to be listening.  Whatever moments come, I will be present in the now. 
     Happy New Year, everyone.  May 2013 bring all the lessons we need to learn, and may we be blessed with the ability to love each other as we travel around the universe together.   

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