My Leap List

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Darkest Nights of the Year

     There is a heartbreak that you only feel as a parent.  Your life is tenuous, at best.  When Mandy was small, I would turn instantly into a mother bear if anyone threatened her, but I can't fight the threats that torment her from the inside. 
     Her bare legs are scarred raw with cuts on every inch of skin.  Some of the gashes are so deep they look like third degree burns.  Where was I?  Here.  Why didn't I know?  I have been so caught up in saving the world that I forgot to save her first.  Truth?  I am scared.  I am guilt-ridden.  I am what I tried so hard not to be.   I am still new at parenting a girl who suffers whiplash from her bipolar episodes.  I am so heartbroken for this girl.
     So many of my friends are struggling with their families and my heart goes out to them.  I follow them on Facebook and admire their strength and devotion and unending positive outlook on life in the face of such heartbreak.  I struggle to be them.  Some days I pretend really well.  Then I see the newest scars that should have had stitches days ago, if only I knew, and cry. 
     Today twenty children died at the hands of a man who killed his mother and then the children she loved.  My heart breaks for all of us...the children who will never grow up...the children who will, but will always be scarred...the parents who physically lost their children today...and the parents who spiritually and mentally lost theirs...the teachers who tried to save them...the families...the mentally ill...the ones who sacrifice everything every day...the scared ones...the ones who lost their faith in humanity...the ones trying to save us from ourselves...
     It is Christmas time in my small part of the world.  In this time of pain, I hope we come together and help each other through the darkest nights of the year.  In a few days, the world will begin to slowly grow light again.  May we all find peace and love in the light.   

1 comment:

  1. As painful as this was for you to post, it is so beautifully written and not only evokes my sympathy but my empathy as well. How do you do what you do, kind lady? I love you!