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Saturday, May 31, 2014

When You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going

     When you are going through Hell, there is nothing you can do but keep going.  If you stop, you will never get out alive, but man, it's tough to keep going.  I don't know why the past few weeks have been so hard.  I've been through some really dark times, and these shouldn't have even come close, but these were brutal.
     My passion is helping at-risk kids, but the one thing I never understood until now was how they could willing fail at something they could ace if they would only try.  I guess it was time I learned that lesson for myself.  I let a change in my life knock me down.  I personalized and internalized something that I shouldn't have.  I felt like a failure and had let people down.  I took that energy with me into a high stakes test.  One of those tests that I hate, but get through in one piece.  Not this time.  The more people told me I would be fine, the more I froze up.  I couldn't even start.  I sabotaged myself.  It would be easier to fail because I didn't do it than to try my hardest, and fail anyway.  The only thing that got me through it was thinking of all the people that say they are inspired by my honesty, including my daughter.  I didn't want this to be the example I set for her.  Even though I procrastinated until it was almost physically impossible to finish the test, I did it.  At the end, I was going on 6 hours of sleep in 3 days, but I finished it.  I won't know for a few weeks how I did, but I am okay with whatever happens.  I hope I learned the life lessons I needed to learn so I don't have to be there again.
     Now it's almost time to leave a place that will always have a special place in my heart.  Time to say goodbye to my friends.  Life always works out for the best, even in the darkest times when I can't imagine how things can ever be light again.  So, I am sending all my love to the people and place I love.  And I am focusing on new beginnings.  Having faith that I will be where I need to be for the people who need me.  I hope my angels are ready for this new adventure, cause I think I will need some extra feathers on this journey.  

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