My Leap List

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Music and Meanings

     As I wander through life, I have a funny way of making meaning from everything around me.  Even a small feather on my walk holds infinite meaning.  I learned early on that I could believe in the infinite possibilities of "what if..." or I could swirl in chaos.  Everything sacred or nothing sacred.
     Some days are full of the brightest suns, hues more beautiful than my mind can fathom, and I can touch the stars.  Other days are shadows of myself when I get lost in the dark.  The combination brings the texture to my life.  It makes me appreciate life and love in all of its manifestations.  Every time I make it through the darkness, I am stronger and wiser.  I gather up the beauty in the light and shine the others from their darkness.  Infinite light and dark.
     Music soothes my soul.  Knowing others have lived to tell the tale comforts me on the dark nights when everything seems lost.  Songs with a turn of words so perfect I swear it was written just for me.  Some for the dark and others for the light.  Music with a sacred tie to life and to death.  We live with our own background music that grows louder when we need meaning or to share ourselves.  Weddings, lullabies, funerals, birthdays, concerts, singing with our best friends in the car on a hot summer night adventure...music brings us together.  The meaning is sacred and changes who we are.  Theme songs are who we are.  It is what we tell ourselves about ourselves.  It is who we believe we are in the eyes of the rest of the world.  It is more than a favorite song or one that captures the loneliness of the dark.  It is our deepest core being.  It changes as we change.  Mine used to be "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.  Here is a piece of the person I used to be...

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart.

I lived that song for many years.  I didn't realize the power I let it have over my life.  It fit who I was and where I was, but I let it define me.  I let it keep me in the darkness for a long time because I thought that was what I deserved.  I still like it because it is still a part of me, but I don't define myself by the darkness anymore.  

     My new theme song reminds me that I am good enough and I can let go of what others think of me.  Lessons I am still learning and practicing as I meet a whole group of new people tomorrow, hoping they like me, and remembering to let go of defining myself by other people.   My new song is "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.  Here is my sacred now.  

"The Middle"
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).








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