My Leap List

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Finding My Strength in Bipolar Days

     Being in love with someone who struggles with being bipolar makes my life feel bipolar.  Today was a wonderful day with flowers and kind notes from my friends at work to celebrate Boss' Day.  It didn't even matter that I had to go to a meeting, take the train home, and then walk 2 miles back to work to present at community council meeting.  It didn't even matter that the people weren't happy to hear what I had to tell them or that I have another early morning meeting to present to the people who deliberately skipped the mandatory meeting I had yesterday.
     What mattered was coming home to find out that he had told his boss he was quitting...again.  We went through this a couple of weeks ago.  He said it was too hard and was going to quit.  They set up interviews and started moving forward.  Then he felt horrible and told them he would stay.  They were thrilled and stopped looking for anyone.  Today he changed his mind.  Nothing happened.  He loves his job.  He likes the people he works with.  When I asked him why, the only answer I got is "It's too hard."  When I said, "I thought things were going better now."  He said, "They were for a while."  When I questioned further it came down to the stress of yesterday when he had to get me from work, take me to the eye doctor, and then back to school for a presentation and today that he had to take me to a meeting.  Somehow those once in a while things the last two days have made it too hard to stay at his job.
     I got him this job with some of my favorite people in the world, and it makes me sick that I did because of what trouble this is putting them through.  I am sure when he stops being manic, he will change his mind, but I am also sure they are going to decide this is enough, and I can't blame them.  Looks like I am back to taking care of all of us by myself again.  I am learning so much about what love can do and the strength I have.  Now to refocus on all the good things in my life so I can share love and joy to everyone I meet tomorrow instead of darkness.  

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